George Carlin on "Stuff"

My first recollection of George Carlin was his character "The Hippie Dippie Weatherman", his most notable would probably be his bit on "The Seven Words" that made him a very controversial performer of his time, but my favorite is "Stuff" . . . click here for George Carlin's 1986 "Comic Relief" performance on "Stuff"

Here is the transcript:

Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time.

A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff!

Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore. Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else's shit is on the dresser.

Have you noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff? God! And you say, "Get that shit offa there and let me put my stuff down!"

Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta take a smaller version of your house. It's the second version of your stuff. And you're gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your suitcase and you put away all your stuff. "Here's a place here, put a little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some stuff--you put your stuff there, I'll put some stuff--here's another place for stuff, look at this, I'll put some stuff here..." And even though you're far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of your stuff with you. That's when your friend calls up from Maui, and says, "Hey, why don'tchya come over to Maui for the weekend and spend a couple of nights over here."

Oh, no! Now what do I pack? Right, you've gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get over to Maui--I mean you're really getting extended now, when you think about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island. I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain. You get over to your friend's house on Maui and he gives you a little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, "All right, I got my nail clippers, I must be okay." That's when your friend says, "Aaaaay, I think tonight we'll go over the other side of the island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over."

Aww, no. NOW what do you pack? Right--you gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only the stuff you know you're gonna need. Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only the stuff you HOPE you're gonna need.


All material written and owned by George Carlin.

The Soup Nazi

The Soup Nazi came to my mind tonight . . . I was thinking about my dad and my strict upbringing and how rigid he was. I actually think he rarely enjoyed life for fear that he would be caught off guard and someone would get away with bending one of his rules. He hated laughter unless it was his joke and was getting the reaction he was looking for . . . at least this is how I remember him. He had that same intense look in his eyes as the Soup Nazi . . . .


gotta look at life with a little humor sometimes
This episode of Seinfeld and the character of the Soup Nazi has to be one of the highlights of Seinfeld . . . it is definitely one of the best of the classics and I enjoy it as the first time I saw it every time I see it again. And I never get tired of it . . . in fact, I find another detail each time.







"The Soup Nazi" Seinfeld episode #116, Season 7, September 1995
The character is a stone-faced immigrant chef with a thick moustache, renowned throughout Manhattan for his delicious soups. He demands that all customers in his restaurant meticulously follow his strict queuing, ordering, and payment policies. Failure to adhere to his demands brings the admonishment, "No soup for you!", whereupon the customer is refunded and denied his order.
The episode opens with Jerry going on and on about the delicious soups made by the Soup Nazi, making sure to "prep" George on the strict code of behavior required by the Soup Nazi in his store. But OMG . . . George makes a mistake while ordering soup by questioning the absence of bread, and is subsequently refused service.


(George notices he didn't get any bread with his soup.)

George: I didn't get any bread.



Jerry: Just forget it. Let it go.



George: Um, excuse me; I think you forgot my bread.



Soup Nazi: You want bread?



George: Yes please.



Soup Nazi: $3.00!



George: What?



Soup Nazi: No soup for you! (Snaps fingers.)



(The cashier takes away George's soup and gives him back his money.)





A while later . . .



George: I don't see how you can sit there eating

that and not even offer me any.



Jerry: I gave you a taste. What do you want?



George: Why can't we share?



Jerry: I told you not to say anything!

You can't go in there, brazenly flout the rules,

and then think I'm going to share with you!



George: Do you hear yourself?



Jerry: I'm sorry.



This is what comes from living under a Nazi regime!



Meanwhile, Elaine purchases an antique armoire, but cannot move it into the building on a Sunday and leaves Kramer to guard the armoire--which she must leave on the sidewalk. Elaine goes to purchase some soup, however, her behavior at the Soup Nazi's restaurant prompts him to shout, "No soup for you!" and ban her for one year.
Elaine's armoire is then stolen by a pair of homosexual "street toughs" who intimidate Kramer.
Kramer gains favor with the Soup Nazi and gives Kramer his own antique armoire. Kramer gives the armoire to Elaine as a replacement for her stolen one.
Elaine thanks the Soup Nazi for the armoire, but he declares that he never would have given it to Kramer if he knew it was for Elaine.
Elaine discovers the Soup Nazi's secret recipes in the old armoire and seeks revenge against him, taunting him, possibly also informing him for the first time of his popular nickname: "You're finished, Soup Nazi!"
This victory comes with a price, as the Soup Nazi decides to sell his remaining stock and close the business, to the dismay of everyone who loves his delicious soups.

Here are classic moments from this episode: